Man’ning up to menstruation – The story of the heroic uncle – Part 2

To read Part 1, click here

It was her all mixed up look and helplessness that drove me to action.

Step One, take her away from public to privacy.

Ms Singleina was well built and generously curved. And in drunken state it was near impossible for me to haul her up to the wash room.

So I told Ms Coupleina to lend a shoulder for the endeavor. And we would require good number of sanitary pads to contain the flow till she reaches her home.

Coupleina read my mind and she dove inside Singleina’s bag for the Holy Grail.

So true, the pad was nothing less than the grail, a vessel that would contain Singleina’s blood.

Worst nightmares ensued, no spares.

With two shoulders gone, Mr Couple and Mr Singleton were the only Templar Knights in our quest for the padded Grail. So I spoke.

Listen by the time we both get her to the washroom, can one of you go out to the nearest pharma……..”

I couldn’t finish my sentence.

No, they didn’t say no, but the look on their faces, just one look.

One look that can be interpreted in so many ways and all of them pointing to only one direction.

First  interpretation “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Second interpretation “I have never bought sanitary pad before….and how will I know what she prefers?” (If it had been her preference for a rubber, he would have guessed everything from color to flavor to texture)

Third interpretation “What will other customers/pharmacist think” (Yes they would think you are born with both, the pole and the hole.)

The list could go on.

Seeing the futility of the idea, I requested Coupleina to first help me take her to the washroom.

And by the time I swab and rinse off the excess blood, she can go out and fetch a packet of extra-large sanitary pads.

She liked the idea as it would keep her away from messiest part of cleaning up someone else’s menstrual blood.

With me bearing the brunt of Singleina’s body weight and Coupleina providing the balance, we were able to reach the washrooms. New dilemma, Kings or Queens? Both of them had only a single room with urinal and commode. This affair would consume a lot of time, unlike Kings, Queens can’t relieve themselves in open. So Kings it is.

I didn’t knew Murphy’s Law would be waiting for me on the opposite side of the door of the gent’s washroom.

Majority of pubs and lounges have darker hue sanitary wares. I guess it’s due to the mess made by their sloshed patrons after their drunken binges.

But this one, it could have beaten even the mother of the whitest pearls. I looked at the long night ahead of me. Not only cleaning the lady, but cleaning post cleaning.

I had to get the washroom into some respectable state post we were done.

I knew I couldn’t clean it completely but neither could I ask them to start from the scratch. You never know, due to our morbid display of blood and gore, the management will ban our entry to the pub.

It was going to be long, hot, wet and messy night but not in the way we guys prefer.

(To be continued in part three).


— Image credit: Deccan Chronicle


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