I know she is the hottest, but… Did you unhook her bra?

Facebook Status – Last night was Awesome baby, can’t wait to see you again.

Me: Yikes, I too can’t wait!

Coz you guys must be in a loving committed relationship but guess what, I am tharki..and if you wish to post something personal then go ahead but I want everything in detail (you know what I mean).

I want updates on when you unhooked her bra, positions of all the love bites that you made, when you went down her and one after your last cum shot.

Because you are anyway involving us in your personal life by posting shit and ruining our day then just let us be the guest to the real action.

I don’t care whether you are in love or not.

You fucking got laid last night while I spent the whole night helping myself, do you really think I will give any fuck to your happy –got-laid –status?

These couples haunt our everyday online move.

They are there during every lunch time stalking session and they’re there during every casual evening scroll, confirming their unending love for each other, damn yar!

One annoying status at a time please.

You announce things through Facebook statuses that you could easily tell each other privately “I had the best night ever with my baby”, Umm peer over to your phone for a moment; is that not him right there?

Great, now say it to him and get off my news feed. We all have those-“I can’t believe I am dating my best friend” couples in our list.

But, let me tell you, your actual best friend who just read that, (the one who held your hair while you vomited up your first tequila shot, and the very same one who helped you pick an outfit for your first date with this dude) is not impressed.

Posting a picture of your significant other in any state of undress with the caption ‘my hottie’ does not bothers me because of his state of nakedness but because –He is fucking hot and now I want to sleep with him!

The only thing harder than enduring these photos in my news feed is enduring the array of hashtags that come with them.

                     #cute #couple #in love # my boyfriend such a hottie #Luckiest girl in the world.

Also, somebody needs to explain them that –Do jism ek jaan does not mean do jism ek Facebook account.

I understand love is blind but kitna andha? First of all, who gets custody of Facebook if the two of you breakup? I am not trying to be your lawyer but dude, it’s a valid question.

It’s a social platform, not your personal diary.

You do not have to tell people about you checking into the toilet, or about the amount of money you spent on that party last night, or try to dazzle them with how glamorous and exciting your life is, nobody really cares. The Kardashians do it because they are paid for it. You’re not.

I really don’t understand why couples are so obsessed with sharing their private moments with the world.

Man, who in their right mind clicks a picture of their matrimonial bed and shares it on social media?

Trust me, I have had the pleasure of (pun intended) to gawk at that too.

The truth is, Facebook couples make us die a little inside because while we’re busy Judging them, they are too busy being too in love to even care.

If couples by FDA (Facebook display of affection) are trying to feel romantically secure, it is clearly the wrong road to take.

I wonder what would they do once they break-up? Spend an entire month deleting pictures, posts, tags, and mentions made by each other, maybe.

Now that’s going to be nasty.

Don’t you think your life would have been much better with the attitude-“screw you, social media, you don’t get a slice of this. It’s mine and his and ours”.

And if it’s hard to keep this attitude then please stop it for the sake of your ‘forever akele dosts’ coz Arijit’s songs are already ruining our lives and we can’t take it anymore!!

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