Sex before marriage? Tauba tauba..

It is not just our parents and Sanskar that lead me to believe in remaining pavitra till my marriage (Well, my fucking hymen decides if I am pure or not?) but also movies like ‘kya kehna’ where Preity Zinta sleeps with her boyfriend once and gets pregnant as if Saif Ali khan is the most potent male left on earth.

And, because he is Indian so condom use karne ki pratha hai hi nhi hamare yahan.

And then she becomes Abla naari when no one accepts her in the society *boom* what a classic piece of Bollywood drama and a great reflection of our society.

Remember the awkward silence, switching of channels, family members scattering, etc. when a scene of people kissing or even getting close came unannounced in a movie or on television?

Or for that matter when a sanitary pad or condom advertisement caused the same effect! The conversations around sex and reproduction are avoided as though they are things of no consequence.

Once we start to grow and hit puberty, the control over women’s sexuality begins. We have all been told ‘sit like this’, ‘walk like this’, ‘girls speak softly’, ‘why are you trying to attract attention’, ‘behave like a lady’, and the list will go on.

If society makes the very idea of sexuality wrong, then how will sex even come into conversation?

Women’s sexuality is controlled in various ways, apart from being told to behave like a girl, there is also moral policing. “Jawaan ladki zyada enjoy karti hai toh pregnant ho jaati hai”.

Cajoling people to wait until marriage hypes up sex to a dangerous level, making it the be-all and end-all of marriage, a practice that is supposed to be about love.

Talk to any parent and they will make you believe that marriage is the one-stop solution to all of life’s problems.

Is your son partying too much lately? Get him married. Is your daughter having ‘an affair’ with someone? Marriage will set her right.

Marriage has ceased to be a sacred bond between two people and has become more of a disciplinary institution.

And wait for the best part- There are ways in which you are rewarded for being married.  Easy check-ins in the hotel rooms because mangalsutra is more valid than the Aadhar.

Housing societies often refuse to rent out to bachelors as it would cause too many “problems”.

If they do rent it out, they’re told to keep it clean: no alcohol and definitely no sex but if the same room is given to a married couple then, they can do it in balcony, floor, and kitchen anywhere. License hai bro!

We need to stop thinking that our dignity lies between our legs.

Losing our virginity doesn’t make us any less worthy of respect than virgins. It doesn’t ruin our integrity as a person.

It’s okay to not end up with someone you’ve had sex with. It’s not immoral. Being a virgin should be a girl’s choice because she wants it.

Not because she is afraid of hellfire.

Not because she is afraid her friends will shun her.

Not because she is afraid of her teachers.

And having sex should be a choice because she loves someone or because she just met a guy with whom she wants to spend a night with and then never see again.

Sometimes you do wish to have sex which is quite natural but you choose to wait instead as you’ve a notion that sex before marriage is something immoral and impure.

It is not just women of our country who are ‘preserving themselves’ till the marriage but also the males because, ummm..i don’t know, maybe their dad did the same so they want to carry the family tradition forward.

Wait! Preserving your virginity for your wife? What is it? Some kind of treasure?

You want your wife to be virgin as well. Wow! Quite a status symbol virginity is, isn’t it?

Let’s suppose your first marriage doesn’t work out and you have to opt in for remarriage. What then? You won’t be having any virginity ‘preserved’ for your would be wife now.

Would it be okay now if the girl you’re going to remarry isn’t a virgin or you would still consider marrying a virgin girl only? Now you see how lame and invalid your ideology of ”preserving one’s virginity for their marriage” is?

You also think of straightway asking a girl (whom your parents are looking for your marriage) her virginity status.

This is the shallowest of a person I’ve ever heard. Virginity for you is the criteria to judge a person whom you are going to marry? A broken wall of tissues in a girl’s body is the basis of your judgement for her?

 Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.

Perhaps my grandmother was okay with settling, but as for me — well, by the time I settle down, I’ll have enjoyed enough grass to know that the one I decide on is truly the greenest, and if it isn’t yet, I’ll know exactly what to do to make it so.

But more importantly, I’ll know that it isn’t so much the scenery that’s most important- it’s whose hand you’re holding as you approach it together.

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