OMG, did you stain the hotel room bed sheet? Here is what you should do next…

OMG, did you stain the hotel room bed sheet? Here is what you should do next…

Hotel sex is all about an escape from your everyday boudoir routine.

There are no rules, plus there’s room service, big fucking glasses and those crisp white hotel sheets that someone else cleans up. To fully embrace the glory of hotel sex, you need to use the fuck out of that room. Use all the toiletries, throw the towels on the floor when you’re done with them, and have sex all over everything. And by everything I literally mean everything (If you just ignore the fact that everyone before you did the same thing, you should be just fine).

Hey auntie you are just being sarcastic right?

Hell yeah I am being sarcastic because I take swatch Bharat way too seriously man!

But then I wouldn’t blame our Indian couples too much because the late 20’s people have already wasted their half Jawani being virgin.

Now finally after kripa of “tinder baba” some hot girl has agreed to share the bed.

And now finally after so much of net practice the guy is finally getting his first batting experience, would you really ask him which way to score six and how to run between the wickets?

Fuck NO. Because no matter how much you tell him and warn him, he will rock the stadium! FYI – I am not taking about Sachin and his first time on pitch but virgin launde and their first- time-sex.

Losing virginity in a hotel room…how filmy man!!

But make sure your bed doesn’t look like a murder scene because of all the blood and several mardaane-stains. Do not leave used condoms lying about the room. This is not to avoid inconveniencing the hotel staff, they have seen worse, and if you do they will probably just have a good laugh amongst themselves about how gross you are.

It is to save the embarrassment of your lady friend and you to at the checkout counter.

Anyway, on to our question: When one is staying at a hotel, what is the protocol for engagingly in sheet-staining activities?

For example, if a session might spread santorum, menstrual blood, female ejaculate, etc., all over the sheets, what to do?

Is it better to cover the bed in towels and stain them instead? Are dirty sheets all in a day’s work for the housekeeper, or should we refrain from such activities in hotel rooms? We don’t want to make the housekeeping staff miserable — and we always leave a tip for the maid! — but we don’t want to refrain from sex just because the partner is on her period!

Well, Auntie’s advice for such deadlock situation would be – do as much sex as you want but be a little sweetheart and strip the bed after you are done especially when you know that you have been messy af. Pull the sheets off and leave them balled up on the floor. All the ladies know what that means, and I promise you that no one goes poking in sheets left on the floor. They toss that ball in the cart and send it straight to the laundry.

Why are these uncles and aunties from StayUncle telling you about hotel etiquette when they provide rooms for love making? Here is a little note from the team itself to our lovely guests

Dearest guests,

We know you booked rooms for spending little more private time with your loved ones and by that we mean sex and only sex. Be horny, love like never before, spice things up and carry the Love bites as souvenir but don’t let your used condoms all over the floor be the reason for your embarrassment at the checkout counter. You might be a kick-ass lover but believe us, women fall for gentleman!

— Aapki seva main hamesha, stayuncle

Divya Auntie
Meet the author / Divya Auntie

Heya, myself DIvya auntie, a Delhi based student tired of all the unreal shit out there about things called society.. I will be telling stories others shun away. Yours perhaps?

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