Here is how they teach sex education in Indian schools

Here is how they teach sex education in Indian schools

Damn you Indian women what’s wrong with you?

With smartphones in your hand and unlimited Jio’s data packs flowing, the whole process of producing kids is just a click away.

I don’t know whom to blame –the Bollywood sex scenes where instead of humans they preferred showing flowers making out or our biology teacher who said “you can read that part on your own at home” because the complete description was on how humans fuck each other.

My teacher had a pretty normal pronunciation but for some reason, she pronounced sexual as sekchual.

She finished the entire chapter hurriedly in one class, avoiding eye-contact with anyone.

May be because she wanted to repeat the entire story of how god was responsible for putting the baby in female’s tummy but she was forced to teach the so called –‘porno chapters’.

How hard is it to teach that that the baby comes exactly from the place it went in from?

I remember when the girls from my class in 6th standard were shadily taken for a ‘workshop’. It was about periods.

We were told “Do not tell about this to the boys”. And maybe if back then both boys and girls were made to watch the same thing then today I wouldn’t be ashamed of telling my male friend that I am cancelling our outing not because I am having headache but because I am bleeding red.

In the same session one of the girl collected enough courage to ask- “what was the purpose of flavored condom” and the teacher replied –“it adds flavor”.

I mean c’mon it is not Haldi, zeera or namak which has to be used swaad anusaar.

Tuition classes were no less where we were asked to draw the opposite sex’s anatomy.

One of the boy’s took charge and he was done in 10 minutes.

He used all the imagery he ever consumed through porn till his tender age of 12-13 to draw the female body, complete with a mole on the waist and pubic hair.

The teacher scolded him for being ‘too aware’.

What is too aware? Knowing how to search for best porn or being the diehard fan of Mia Khalifa which is not a part of your syllabus?

Why not to count it in extra- curriculum activity?

Anyway kids are making lodes of efforts in downloading it and hiding it inside the folder of important books. Learning from porn may help in watching naked people and masturbation as well but, there are good chances that it might make one more idiot and clueless.

Because learning ohh yeahh ..right there..yess!! Will only help one to learn fake moans. I being a biology graduate was once asked by one of my colleague-

He: I’ve heard acidic substance can prevent pregnancy. Can I pour few drops of lemon or orange juice into my girlfriend’s vagina after intercourse?

After recovering from a minute shock,

Me: Are you a bhel-puri vendor? Where did you get this weird idea? Why not to try safe and easy method like condom instead?

He: (laughing over his own dumbness) Usmain mazaa nhi aata yaar !!

This man knew exactly what is to be done to get more pleasure but ‘understanding sex’ was never part of his source of sex-education.

“Moral values are working as contraceptives in our country”

Don’t do friendship with girls or else you will feel like sleeping with them.

If that would have been the case then our Sallu bhai wouldn’t be claiming himself to be a virgin.

The situation would have been lot simpler if the movies were based less on “pyaar” and more on much needed topics like “sex kiya to darna kya”? or “kyunki saas bhi kabhi virgin thi ”.

At the end I would like to conclude by making an honest confession –

Dear biology teacher,

Please stop ruining our lives by avoiding that 1 hour lecture on reproduction system because frankly speaking you are responsible for my 10 Gb storage of porn collection as my basic concepts regarding sexual acts was much worse than my knowledge of quantum physics.

P.S- Biology textbook was interesting only because it was more like a sex manual for us.

Your-very-much-attentive- student

 

— Image credit: BBC

Divya Auntie
Meet the author / Divya Auntie

Heya, myself DIvya auntie, a Delhi based student tired of all the unreal shit out there about things called society.. I will be telling stories others shun away. Yours perhaps?

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